Reflections

A very good friend/cousin of mine had her baby over the weekend six weeks early, 3 lbs. 4 oz., and I went to see them yesterday. She seemed to be doing fairly well, sitting up and chatting with us, and looking good. The baby is in the NICU, so her husband took me back to see the baby. WOW!! It is amazing how quickly all of those feelings came back to me. From the moment we started scrubbing up out in the foyer, I kept thinking of that one month of my life 6 3/4 years ago where I did that exact same thing every day, day in and day out, so I could see my precious little one. My guy was not even close to little compared to him.

When I walked through the door I could smell the same smells, the room looked much the same, the incubators looked the same, and I just about lost it. I had to tell my friends husband to not look at me because I was about to cry. I cant believe how much of it I remember just like it was yesterday. I remember only being able to hold him when they told me and even then for just a few minutes. I remember them giving him my milk through a feeding tube. I remember feeling so lonely sitting in there by myself, but also feeling overwhelmed when I had to take one person at a time back to see him. I remember the nurses telling me he was doing better today and not believing a word they said because no one knew what was wrong with him. I remember the smells every time I smell them. In fact, sometimes at the doctors office I smell that same smell and automatically I feel the same emotions. It is strange the way things like that stay with you forever.

Anyway, not to turn their adventure in life into mine, but I just wanted to write down my feelings and how thankful I am every day (even when he is driving me crazy :) ) that Heavenly Father chose to let me keep him. Sometimes I know I need to feel these feelings more often so I can remember how HARD I prayed for him, and cried for him for those 27 days and how thankful I should feel even on the hard days of disobedience and sassing.

Sorry, I wanted to post a pic, but that was pre-digital days, and I don't get along with my scanner very well! Just imagine a baby in a bed with many, many cords coming out of his arms, nose, and head with about 12 pumps giving him medication and you can see a tiny glimpse of my Braxton.